ニュージーランドのホストファミリーに送る自己紹介文をネイティブにチェックしてもらった

ニュージーランド短期語学留学の話題が続きます。

仲介者の語学学校から、ホストファミリーに自己紹介のEメールを送ることを奨められている。ま、そりゃそうだろう。

留学ハンドブックに例文が載っていたが、シチュエーションは学生が主人公で、直接の参考にはならなかった。部分的には参考にしたものの、結局ほぼ自力ででっち上げた。

非ネイティブが書いた英文は、ネイティブのチェックを経ないと、使い物にならないという知識がある。英会話レッスンの折に講師にチェックを依頼したら、快く応じてくれた。

私が書いた元の英文は、これ。

10 March 2018

Dear XXX,
My name is Yyy WWWW. Thank you for accepting me as a host

family.

The travel agent told me your email address so I sent a short letter to

introduce myself.

I'm a 56-year-old-man live in Aichi Prefecture, central part of Japan, work

as ...

I like reading books, posting blogs and short messages on SNS, and

playing the guitar.

I was told you keep some cats and a dog. That's no problem because I

like puppies and kitties, but the problem is sometimes they don't like me!

I wish they would love me :_(

Anyway, I'm an old man and a long sleeper. While the school is off, I

would like to be stay in room and take rest. Please take account.

If there's something to ask, please email me.

New Zealand is said one of the most beautiful country on the earth. This is

my first visit to New Zealand. I'm looking forward to visiting and meeting

you.

Best regards!
--
Yyy WWWW
email@address.com

固有名詞など、一部伏字にしています。

細かいミスは免れまいが、内心まあまあのデキなのではないかと自画自賛していた。TOEIC換算895点の語学力は、ネイティブの目から見たら、いかに？ TOEIC換算云々の根拠は 2月14日付記事参照。

結果は、こうだった。

10 March 2018

Dear XXX,

Wwww (lower case) being my

My name is Yyy ~~WWWW~~. Thank you for ~~accepting me as a~~ host

family.

wanted to send

The travel agent told me your email address so I ~~sent~~ a short letter to

introduce myself.

living ∧ in the ∧ and

I'm a 56-year-old-man ~~live~~ in Aichi Prefecture, central part of Japan, work

as ...

I like reading books, posting blogs ~~and~~ short messages on SNS, and

playing the guitar.

New Zealand is said to be one of the most beautiful countries on the

earth. This is my first visit to New Zealand, so I'm very exited.

I was told you keep some cats and a dog. That's no problem because I

animals

like ~~puppies and kitties~~, but the problem is sometimes they don't like me!

hope your pets like me :-D

I ~~wish they would love me :_(~~

a little older and tend to need more sleep, so I will probably

Anyway, I'm ~~an old man and a long sleeper. While the school is off, I~~

rest after school.

~~would like to be stay in room and take rest. Please take account.~~

you have any questions

If ~~there's something to ask~~, please email me.

~~New Zealand is said one of the most beautiful country on the earth. This is~~

~~my first visit to New Zealand.~~ I'm looking forward to ~~visiting and~~ meeting

you.

Best regards!

--

Yyy WWWW

email@address.com

わはははは、真っ赤 (T▽T;

あらずもがなの注釈をいくつか。全部ではない。

元の文3行目、姓名の姓を大文字にするのはどちらが姓かを明示するため論文の署名などでよく行われるが、私信にはそぐわないらしい。

12行目、“puppies and kitties” は “too childish” とのこと。

ネイティブ講師が一番長考したのは17行目（下から7行目）の “New Zealand is ...” で、“good closing” と言ってくれつつも、前の方に移動した。

その他、言い回しの変更や文法ミスに関しても、私なりに納得できるものだった。ごそっと移動した文の中の country → countries とか。あと、謙遜系やネガティブ系の表現が、ばっさりやられてるなぁ。顔文字も “:_(” から “:-D” に変更されとるし。

修正後の文章を再掲すると、こうかな？

10 March 2018

Dear XXX,

My name is Yyy Wwwww. Thank you for being my host family.

The travel agent told me your email address so I wanted to send a short

letter to introduce myself.

I'm a 56-year-old-man living in Aichi Prefecture in the central part of

Japan and work as ...

I like reading books, posting blogs short messages on SNS, and

playing the guitar.

New Zealand is said to be one of the most beautiful countries on the

earth. This is my first visit to New Zealand, so I'm very exited.

I was told you keep some cats and a dog. That's no problem because I

like animals, but the problem is sometimes they don't like me!

I hope your pets like me :-D

Anyway, I'm a little older and tend to need more sleep, so I will probably

rest after school.

If you have any questions, please email me.

I'm looking forward to meeting you.

Best regards!

--

Yyy Wwww

email@address.com